Facing Fears

Oh wow! Summer seems to have flown right on past us. It has been such an enjoyable time being able to spend some time with family and friends back home in Michigan, yet we can hardly believe that we will be leaving in just two weeks to return home to Minnesota.

This past weekend we spent some time in Grand Rapids for my (Julianne) sister's wedding. It was a beautiful day for a wedding, and we were all so happy for both Hannah and her new husband David.


The lovely bridesmaids and flower girls holding up the groom

It was nice to have everything come to a close but bittersweet as we all had to say goodbye to them. Thankfully Hannah and David will only be living a few minutes away from my parents' home. :)

The past few weeks and months have been spent preparing for the wedding and attending different parties and such to celebrate. It takes an hour and a half to drive from where we live in Howell to Grand Rapids. It has been a good hour and a half of thinking, praying, and simply being with God.

I have been thinking a lot about fears lately. As we have been planning, preparing, and packing for our move to Minnesota, we have had plenty of time to worry or be afraid. Everyone who works for Youth With A Mission lives off of support from friends, family, church support, or however else they are able to raise support. No one in the entire organization is paid. This whole summer we have been trying to raise monthly support yet it feels like we've been getting nowhere. It has definitely been a temptation to sink into worry and fear.

Fear is something that loves to sneak up upon us and keep us from living the to fullest potential. Lately I really feel like God has been teaching me about how to give those fears over to Him. I thought I'd share a bit about what He has been sharing with me and hope that it gives you a bit of encouragement as well.

When I was little I was afraid of three main things: Snakes, the Dark, and not being able to have any babies. As I got older, I added another thing to the list: Driving in the Rain or Snow.
These are the things that can make me afraid.

John 4:18 states that "perfect love casts out all fear." God is love. Fear cannot exist where God is. We don't need to live in fear of anyone or anything...then why is it so easy to slip into being afraid or living in worry?

2 Corinthians 12:9 reads "My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness." I used to always read this verse as if it was saying, "Do your best but your failure just makes God look better" or "God already gave you all that you get so if you can't do it, you just won't be able to." Yet neither of those two really match up with the character of a "perfect love casts out fear" God.

I heard this illustration a year or so ago that really helped me better understand God's concept of grace. I used to believe that when I needed to do something, God would first give me His grace and then it was up to me to complete the task. My task is represented as a cup. God would pour in the water He thought I needed, and I would then have to fill up the rest of the cup.

But what if those roles were reversed? What if what the verse meant was that WE were to give it all we had, all 100% of who we were knowing that we would fall short of what we needed? And then after we had nothing left to give, it would be God's grace that would fill our cups up to overflowing.

That's what I think it means when our weakness displays God's glory. When we are willing to give it everything we have knowing that we will never have what it takes, knowing that unless God steps in to help us, we will fail.

How does this all play into fear? That's what I feel like God has been trying to teach me over the past year and over this summer.

The past three times I've had to drive back to Howell from Grand Rapids it has rained. Seriously. And not just little sprinkles but down pouring. Remember my list of fears? Driving in the rain or snow was right there on the list. Once the first drop starts to hit my windshield, I can feel fear creeping into my hands on the steering wheel. I can then decide to become so afraid that I have to pull off the road. Or I can decide to use my weakness to display God's glory. Does God purposely make it rain when I drive just to test me? I don't think so. But it is an opportunity for me to put my trust in God. Driving in the rain may seem like a silly fear. And I'll admit it, it is quite silly. But it is also something I am allowing God to use in my life to make me into the person He has created me to be.

As I said earlier, when I was little one of my biggest fears was that I would not be able to have any children. While Nate and I were in Nepal, we became pregnant. We were really excited at having the opportunity to bring life into this world. I admit I was a bit nervous and fearful but my excitement overcame my fear. When we came back home to the States, we visited a doctor for our first prenatal appointment. We sat in the examination room for our ultrasound and heard the doctor tell us that our little baby didn't have a heartbeat. We lost our baby a week later.

In that moment and in the days and weeks to come, it would have been quite easy to slip into fear and into frustration at God for what had happened in our life. Would you have blamed us if we did? Having something so precious seemingly snatched out our lives and not knowing quite what to say or do. Fear would have been something easy to hold on to.

But just like I know that when it rains while I'm driving is not God trying to test me or punish me, we knew that this heartache and trial was not something used to test us or to hurt us. But yet we could see this as just another opportunity for us to put our trust in God and our lives in His hands.

We are really excited to let you know that we will be expecting a little baby to join our family in January of this next year. Everything seems to be coming along fine with this pregnancy. We still have to trust God every single day and not let some form of fear slip into our lives. We want to choose to live in the fullness of the life God has for us.

And now as we are preparing to move to Minnesota to do missions full time and expecting a baby soon, we have to choose to trust God in all that we do. No, we don't have the all the money we need yet. But yes, we know that God is worthy of our trust. It is His love and His character that help us to not live in fear and worry.

Thank you for your time in reading this. And thanks for letting me write about what I feel God has been sharing to my heart.

Julianne (and Nate)